YOUR STYLE OF PARENTING MATTERS
By Samuel Akinola (20th July 2020)
Children are treasures, special treasures that worth all the love and care one could give. To give birth to a child though not easy, the nurturing and parenting that follows could be overwhelming if one is not prepared. Parenting is a delicate and complex affair and very vital to the total wellbeing of a child. Every terrorist, serial killer, kidnapper or criminal that has plagued the world was once an adorable child until something broke in the life of the child. Failed parental care can destroy a child psychologically so care is to be taken as a parent.
Your parental style matters. How you train your child count so much. Here are some experts’ tips to influence your parenting:
Give your child a sense of value to boost his or her self-esteem. Children are very sensitive, your tone of voice, expression, the way you talk to your child should make the child feel valued. Don’t belittle your child, avoid negative comment, praise the child for every accomplishment however small or inconsequential it might seem. Letting the child do things independently will make the child confidence and strong enough to improve on himself/herself. Also, comparing the child unfavourably with another will do damage to the child’s mindset.
Try as much as possible to avoid insulting your child; comments such as “stupid thing”, “foolish boy/girl” etc. should be avoided by all means. Your child’s mind is in a developmental stage, things you do or say will have a profound effect on the child. Be compassionate even though if the child did wrong. Correct the child with love, make him/her understand that everyone can make a mistake and you still love him/her even though you don’t love his/her behaviour.
Be a role model
Be a role model to your children, a good role model. You want your children to be hardworking, patient with one another, respectful and good-mannered? Be all these yourself. Children are perfect imitators; they could imitate you (including all your wrongs). Sometimes this could be hard, especially if you have or addicted to certain bad habits you don’t want your children imitating. In this case, you need to consult children experts for help and guidance. If your children are old enough you could be honest with them about this addiction and let them know why it is bad. You have to stress it to them not to imitate this bad habit and try your best to break this habit.
Comment on their good behaviour.
Complimenting or praising your child for good behaviour or things are done rightly will help boost his/her psychology. You catch your child helping another child? You saw the child clean up the mess even before you say so? The child brings your shoe because he/she thought you need it? A little amount of praise will do the child greater good.
If you are fond of complaining about your child’s bad behaviour this will not improve the child’s tender mind. Correct with love. Don’t just say “don’t do that”, make sure you let the child understand why doing that is wrong.
Set discipline and limit
Discipline is very important in parenting. Children need discipline so much that their importance cannot be overstated. The failure of a child as an individual mostly resulted from the home—failure as a parent.
You have to set a limit and be consistent in discipline. Let your children know the limit to what you can allow them to do. Follow through on your discipline and be consistent. If they break the rule follow through with discipline; if they break the rule the next day also follow through with discipline. Be consistent and don’t give them the sense that you will do nothing on your threat to discipline.
Set limit. When it’s time to go to bed they go to bed. When it’s time to clean up the cleanup. When it’s time to study the study. When it’s time to play they play. Make sure they know there are consequences of breaking the rule. Be firm, consistent and gentle too. The draconian rule will not make your children up but break them.
Create time to be together
Life is becoming busier for us every day. As a parent your work should not deny you the joy and time of being with your children—you just have to create time, is part of your parental responsibilities.
Children need quality time with their parents to build them up into responsible adults. Find time to play with them, study with them, listen to them, help them in their chores (homework, schoolwork etc.), defends and protects them when the need arises.
As a parent, your children need you much more than you know or they could verbally express. Sometimes your work could take you far away from them, in this case, the few time you can rightly spare with them should make up for your understandably absent and full of sweet memories.
Parenting is never easy, you should be readied the moment you agreed to start bearing children. Every adult should be readied to be a parent even before becoming one. Should have been part of your upbringing as a child and young adult. Your family background (not necessarily of your making) might have put you on certain disadvantages in life, nevertheless, with the right self-education (especially in this modern era full of experts in virtually all area of life with some offering free advice and training) you could beat your unfavourably family background and be a better parent than you ever had.
In the next edition, we will talk more about parenting, see you until then.